Cold

Tonight its cold. Christa has just put on a zip up jacket and Chel is wrapped in a blanket. I'm thinking about all of the people who will be behind thin mud walls sleeping on cold mud floors tonight. And i'm thinking about all those who wish they had a mud home, with a cold mud floor. And i'm thinking about how Ercylio continually reminds me that God made the weather this way, whether its hot or cold - He is not surprised. And to be honest, I don't like it. But i guess that's why He's God and well..... what i like doesn't really matter.

Pray for those struggling to keep warm tonight.

Processing

Tonight began the reality of how difficult a week this is going to be. One week from right now I'll be on a plane headed back to the U.S.
The list grows and grows the more I think about all that I'm looking forward to as I return:
*driving my car
*seeing family and friends
*drinking from the tap
*eating a burger
*sleeping without a mosquito net
*returning to school
*ultimate frisbee
*alone time
*a changed perspective.... etc.

And the list grows and grows the more I think about all that I'm going to miss:
*simplicity
*fanta laranja in a bottle
*translators/friends
*the Bush family
*no water and therefore an excuse not to shower
*the smells(unrelated to the not showering)
*picturesque sunsets
*hanging out at the Villa
*struggling with Portuguese.... etc.

And with all of this floating around in my mind, i continually come back to thoughts of those in deep poverty, and disgusting hunger. i continue to wrestle through what my responsibility is to those with such heart-wrenching needs around the world. And as God walks with me through the process I am bouncing like a ping-pong ball, literally all over the place. One moment I am identifying with the New Friars, freeing themselves from most all possessions and living in slum communities around the world. And the next moment I am thinking about the money that could be made as a Wedding Photographer and used to buy milk for the Nutrition Program here. Like i said, i am literally all over the place.

And tonight I'm taking a deep breath, thanking God for this journey, and going to sleep. I'm just glad that He won't be surprised-no matter where He takes me. Thanks for walking with me and praying for me as God continues to push and stretch me to be less like myself and more like Him.

randomness

I was reading Cory and Shanna's blog earlier and it inspired me. So here are some random thoughts:

-i simply cannot believe that i will be getting on a plane to leave here in less than two weeks. it doesn't seem like reality.
-i am dreading saying goodbye to a couple of the guys as well as leaving my "home" here with the bush family.
-tonight was the second night of a conference for young people. the worship was amazing and the message was a real challenge to me, and you could just tell that it really connected with the group as a whole.
-tomorrow we are scrubbing the mold off of the house and i am so thankful for the extra time to spend with ercylio and alberto.
-wednesday and thursday morning i spent working with Phil on Green Door - the piece of the project that builds homes for families within the village - it was a tremendous blessing to observe and actually be a part of the process. it is a ministry filled with much hard work and a well-deserved tangible blessing when the work is completed. i am hoping to spend more time this next week doing more of the same.
-time spent just doing life with the bush family as well as opportunities to watch the kids have been a blessing beyond what i could describe in words.

Tonight though i am beginning to wrestle through my response to all that i have seen and experienced. I am in awe of the darkness that surrounds this village and the despair deep within so many hearts. And yet, that same darkness and despair has found a home within so many of the hearts in the United States - inside those who are literally close enough for me to touch. I am wrestling with what it looks like to actually take hold of His power and shine His light in the darkness; no matter what country i'm in. no matter how i'm feeling that day. no matter what it costs. no matter their circumstances. no matter their intentions.

I'm wrestling through what it will look like to love and to serve whatever, whomever, whenever, and wherever.

Four "Evers"

Tonight I'm thinking about the section I just read in my "Experience" book. Its called the "Four 'Evers'". Here is the first paragraph:
"During this mission trip you have been challenged to serve: whatever God wanted, whomever He prepared for you to reach, whenever He asked, and wherever He sent you. These four "evers" are played out in our lives every day: we just don't always look for them."
It then goes on to talk about Joseph and how these things played out in his life. Joseph strove to serve God no matter his circumstances, even in situations he never planned on. Tonight, I'm thinking through what it looks like to be in unexpected situations, serving God in unexpected ways; knowing that He is with me. He is urging me to act in whatever way will most honor Him. This piece on the "evers" ends with this line: "And remember that others are seeing God through your actions."
I'm praying that I would understand the reality of that statement. That I would understand that most people won't ever hear my words, but they will see my actions from both near and afar. I'm praying that I would understand how important it is for me to live a life of service and love so that others would see God for who He truly is.

How accurate a picture of God's love is your life painting?

Clean Up

This morning Chelye and I started a project with a couple of Nationals. Out back of our house here in Lusalite there is a patio area that last week was black and green with mold, overgrown with weeds, covered in sticks and dirt, and looked more like a large pile of trash than anything else. Over the past week others had started the clean-up process, clearing out the weeds, sticks and random debris. This morning the four of us used steel brushes and began scrubbing away at the layers of black mold. As we knelt in an inch of water scrubbing off the tiles I couldn't help but think about how difficult it was to get all of the mold off. As I type this now, the patio is covered with colorful tiles and clean concrete. The barrier of concrete is partially covered with clean white paint and the vision for a fire pit isn't far away.

Everyone was pretty quiet as we painted this afternoon and I thought back on the morning. It was another reminder of Christ's work in my own life and how stubborn I can be to the change He wants to bring. And it was another reminder of His beauty that would shine through, if only I would get out of His way.

Mad

Sometimes I just get mad. With "good" reason or not, sometimes I just do. Like when my computer battery doesn't last as long as I had planned on. Or when my mosquito net is laying on my head. Or being in a room surrounded by people speaking Portuguese and not having a clue what they're saying. I get mad when I fail to meet a goal. Or when I watch LOST hoping for answers and only end up with more questions. Or reading that Mark's blog will be "changing." Or like when I hear stories of people losing their homes. Or when people make fun of those in serious need. I get mad when I think about the number of deaths everyday that are so very preventable. Or when people talk out of complete ignorance. Or when I watch people so caught up in themselves, they miss an opportunity to help someone else. Or when I realize the danger that rain is to so many with homes made of mud. And I get mad when I realize I'm only mad because of my own pride. Or when I look back and know my motives were completely selfish. Or when I look ahead, knowing my motives are selfish, and I do it anyways. Or when I think of all the time I've spent on nothingness, or the opportunities I've missed, or the money I've wasted.



And then I take a deep breath and realize that I've been more focused on myself, and the mistakes of others, than I have been on Christ's overwhelming love and my responsibility to simply love others.