Pinnacle Rock

This past Saturday I went hiking with a group of my friends. With the threat of rain and a light breeze pressing on us, we loaded into a seven-seat vehicle and headed for the trail. One of us in the group had been there before. After turning around a few times and multiple back-seat drivers we parked the car and took a group picture before heading up the trail. The first few minutes were rough; slow pace, heightened heart rates, and more than a few complaints. Running through my mind were questions like, “will we make it to the top?” and “how long could this trail be?” and finally, “is this even going to be worth it?” Through the barely designated path, up the steep incline and over the rock quarry. Up through the fourteen inch crevice and…

R.C. Sproul writes in The Holiness of God, “Men are never duly touched and impressed with a conviction of their insignificance, until they have contrasted themselves with the majesty of God.”

…there it was, the majesty of God as clear as I have seen it in quite some time. The crisp, brisk air cut across our faces as we stood on the large slabs of rock protruding from the earth. We overlooked the countryside of rolling hills and farmlands. Cars passed on roads far below and the Pemberley size home jumped out at us from the middle of its green estate. We turned our eyes slightly downward to watch a plane cut through the overcast sky. In between the camera phones clicking pictures were sounds of wow and awe. With each breath, we drew in the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction for completing the climb and experiencing the beauty that was before us. His beauty, His grace, His power, His love, and on and on clearly displayed. And there I stood, as small as I have ever felt.

There's just something powerful and profound about feeling insignificant...

A Few Thoughts

Here are a few thoughts that i've heard this first week since classes started.

-"is your experience in the world real?"
-"people tend avoid questions that bring tension."
-"i long for a family, a wife and kids i can love and share life with - or if God would desire me to be single forever, i long for a change of heart and contentment."
-"there is meaning in the physical world, now."
-"God created us to be human. Becoming a Christian doesn't destroy our humanity, it fully restores it."
-"its easy for us to feel like we have it all together when everyone around us thinks that we do."
-"After i'm dead and gone, i want to be remembered as someone who resembled Christ, not as myself"
-"for a lot of people, what looks like pride is just overwhelming fear."
-"I don't know what to do right now! I wish someone could just tell me what to think sometimes."
-"I challenge you, no, i dare you to learn as much from people and the life going on around you as you do in the classroom. its really not that difficult."
-"the world, the flesh, and the devil are not held back by higher walls and stronger structures."
-"God is so awesome. He totally rocked my world this summer."

That's enough for now. My prayer for whoever reads this is that you would keep your hears open as life goes on around you - actually hear what people say to you and around you. let it sink in.

Cold

Tonight its cold. Christa has just put on a zip up jacket and Chel is wrapped in a blanket. I'm thinking about all of the people who will be behind thin mud walls sleeping on cold mud floors tonight. And i'm thinking about all those who wish they had a mud home, with a cold mud floor. And i'm thinking about how Ercylio continually reminds me that God made the weather this way, whether its hot or cold - He is not surprised. And to be honest, I don't like it. But i guess that's why He's God and well..... what i like doesn't really matter.

Pray for those struggling to keep warm tonight.

Processing

Tonight began the reality of how difficult a week this is going to be. One week from right now I'll be on a plane headed back to the U.S.
The list grows and grows the more I think about all that I'm looking forward to as I return:
*driving my car
*seeing family and friends
*drinking from the tap
*eating a burger
*sleeping without a mosquito net
*returning to school
*ultimate frisbee
*alone time
*a changed perspective.... etc.

And the list grows and grows the more I think about all that I'm going to miss:
*simplicity
*fanta laranja in a bottle
*translators/friends
*the Bush family
*no water and therefore an excuse not to shower
*the smells(unrelated to the not showering)
*picturesque sunsets
*hanging out at the Villa
*struggling with Portuguese.... etc.

And with all of this floating around in my mind, i continually come back to thoughts of those in deep poverty, and disgusting hunger. i continue to wrestle through what my responsibility is to those with such heart-wrenching needs around the world. And as God walks with me through the process I am bouncing like a ping-pong ball, literally all over the place. One moment I am identifying with the New Friars, freeing themselves from most all possessions and living in slum communities around the world. And the next moment I am thinking about the money that could be made as a Wedding Photographer and used to buy milk for the Nutrition Program here. Like i said, i am literally all over the place.

And tonight I'm taking a deep breath, thanking God for this journey, and going to sleep. I'm just glad that He won't be surprised-no matter where He takes me. Thanks for walking with me and praying for me as God continues to push and stretch me to be less like myself and more like Him.

randomness

I was reading Cory and Shanna's blog earlier and it inspired me. So here are some random thoughts:

-i simply cannot believe that i will be getting on a plane to leave here in less than two weeks. it doesn't seem like reality.
-i am dreading saying goodbye to a couple of the guys as well as leaving my "home" here with the bush family.
-tonight was the second night of a conference for young people. the worship was amazing and the message was a real challenge to me, and you could just tell that it really connected with the group as a whole.
-tomorrow we are scrubbing the mold off of the house and i am so thankful for the extra time to spend with ercylio and alberto.
-wednesday and thursday morning i spent working with Phil on Green Door - the piece of the project that builds homes for families within the village - it was a tremendous blessing to observe and actually be a part of the process. it is a ministry filled with much hard work and a well-deserved tangible blessing when the work is completed. i am hoping to spend more time this next week doing more of the same.
-time spent just doing life with the bush family as well as opportunities to watch the kids have been a blessing beyond what i could describe in words.

Tonight though i am beginning to wrestle through my response to all that i have seen and experienced. I am in awe of the darkness that surrounds this village and the despair deep within so many hearts. And yet, that same darkness and despair has found a home within so many of the hearts in the United States - inside those who are literally close enough for me to touch. I am wrestling with what it looks like to actually take hold of His power and shine His light in the darkness; no matter what country i'm in. no matter how i'm feeling that day. no matter what it costs. no matter their circumstances. no matter their intentions.

I'm wrestling through what it will look like to love and to serve whatever, whomever, whenever, and wherever.